When frustration grabs hold of you it can feel like there are no options or other perspectives than the one you are grappling with. The emotion can be a blinding force, keeping you from seeing beyond your immediate, often narrow view, to recognize there are many other possibilities. This is the perfect time to check in on “Where AM I in Process.” Remember the Pursuit of Balance Individuation Model? It acts as the “Where AM I in Process” framework and provides you with a measuring stick to identify what you may need to do to bring yourself to a peaceful state. Likely, when you are feeling frustrated you are in Phase 1, hanging out with your friends; Victim, Saboteur, and Child archetypes.
To move up in the 2nd Phase of the Individuation Model, it is helpful to name the archetype and the underlying feelings you are having. This can open you up to see you are attached to an outcome or situation. Often, I will turn to the 90 Second Rule. This practice allows me a few seconds (no more than 90) to be with the problem and feel the frustration and my emotions. Then, I move to letting it go. I use my breath to bring myself to the present moment to release the frustration and begin to consider other perspectives.
Here is an example. I recently felt frustrated because I wasn’t getting help from a friend. It seemed so clear to me that I needed help, yet they weren’t offering it. I made up a story that they didn’t care about me and I was just going to have to handle the situation on my own. The voice in my head was a victim's voice. It was playing a tape of all the times this person hadn’t helped me or hadn’t been aware that help was needed. Then I stopped and thought, “Where AM I in Process." What archetype is speaking right now? When I named “Victim”, I immediately felt the light shine in and the shadow fade. I moved to consider what empowered action I could take to feel better. I prepared a request and ASKED for help. Guess what, the person immediately jumped in and offered many ways in which they could support me. My frustration subsided, the task was completed and I felt seen and supported.
How often do you step back and ask, “Where AM I in Process."
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